


The Doctor's Wife

by spoilersweetie



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 00:39:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17714756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilersweetie/pseuds/spoilersweetie
Summary: What kind of a name was ‘River Song’ anyway? That wasn’t even a name at all. If anyone asked Yaz, it sounded fake.She watches her across the console room, watches her placing her hand over the Doctor’s on a lever and guiding it a different way with a smirk. The Doctor, who notoriously hated being told what to do, and especially hated anyone touching any of her ship’s controls, grins up at her with bright eyes.





	The Doctor's Wife

_River Song._

What kind of a name was ‘ _River Song’_ anyway? That wasn’t even a name at all. If anyone asked Yaz, it sounded fake.

She watches her across the console room, watches her placing her hand over the Doctor’s on a lever and guiding it a different way with a smirk. The Doctor, who notoriously hated being told what to do, and especially hated anyone touching any of her ship’s controls, grins up at her with bright eyes.

Wouldn’t surprise her if it was a fake name. She seemed like the type; Yaz was a police officer, she knew the type well, and River had criminal written all over her. She eyes the weapon strapped to her thigh. Could the Doctor not _see_ that? Yaz thought she hated guns, what the hell was she doing with a woman who went round wearing one as a garter belt?

Finding out the Doctor had a _wife_ had been a shock Yaz wasn’t prepared for, and it was something she still couldn’t get her head round, despite being forced to watch the two of them flirt and bicker and make eyes at each other all the way through an adventure today. The Doctor danced around her like she was vying for her attention every second - she was prone to being a bit of a show off whenever she took them somewhere new but today she was utterly full of herself, and River spoke to her in a way Yaz hadn’t seen anyone do yet with the Doctor, ordering her here and there, arguing with every fact she told them. The banter seemed to be in good nature and the Doctor certainly didn’t seem to mind, grinning and staring at her like she was the most incredible thing she’d ever seen, finger tapping her nose or hand slipping into hers often enough to make Yaz’s chest hurt, but it put Yaz’s hackles right up instantly.

“It’s so weird,” Ryan comments from next to Yaz.

“What’s weird?” Says Graham, and Ryan points at the couple by the console, the Doctor gesturing to something on the monitor with her sonic that makes River roll her eyes.

“That!” Says Ryan. “Can’t believe she’s married and she never told us. Don’t you think it’s weird she never mentioned her?” He turns to Yaz, and she gives a sulky shrug.

“Come on Ryan,” Says Graham quietly, leaning in to them. “You know there’s more to it than that - she told us when we first met her that her family were gone. My guess is she’d never expected to see her wife again.”

“Yeah, but you still think she’d have talked about her?”

Graham shrugs. “Maybe not.”

Yaz doesn’t reply. It was so bizarre to see the Doctor flirting. She was abhorrent at it, but in such an endearing way River still seemed to be effected anyway, judging by the pleased flush to the curly haired woman’s cheeks and the way she leans into her, trailing her fingers up over the lapels of her coat. The whole situation was bizarre.

Bizzare and heartbreaking.

Months of travelling with her and Ryan and Graham and falling steadily more in love with the Doctor by the day, Yaz was the happiest she had ever been. She’d even stupidly, foolishly started to think that there was a chance for her with the incredible woman who’d dropped into her life and turned it upside down for the better.

But now it turned out she’d been _married_ all along.   

The worst thing was that if Yaz had ever had to imagine the Doctor with someone, this woman would have been the absolute last person in the world. She was nothing like the Doctor, obnoxious and arrogant with a total disregard for all morals and an attitude that suggested she thought herself smarter than everyone else around her. And fine, Yaz would admit that she could be considered attractive, if you liked women with more hair than integrity, but she’s certain physicality isn’t something the Doctor would base a choice of partner on anyway.

“Right fam!” Her voice jolts Yaz from her thoughts and she looks over to see her clapping her hands together. “Busy day yeah? Time to turn in I reckon.”

 _Turn in?_ The Doctor never ‘turned in’ for the night. She eyes her hand slipped into River’s, thumb stroking steadily over her skin and eyes glittering in the glow of the console, and Yaz feels sick.

She vaguely hears Ryan and Graham mumbling goodnights and hears River throw back her head and laugh loudly at something the Doctor says to her, and she can’t look at them anymore, turning away.

“Yaz?” She hears the Doctor call her name. “Bed time?”

“Not that tired thanks,” she says without turning back, trying to keep it together. “Just gonna stay here for a bit.”

“Alright,” she replies, sounding a bit confused. “Don’t be eating all me custard creams.”

She usually would have replied back with something cheeky but she can’t speak anymore, throat tight and aching and tears already welling in her eyes.

She hears footsteps all move away to the corridors, and relieved to finally be alone, sinks to the floor, heart breaking in two.

Yasmin sits on the step up to the console, leaning against a glowing pillar as she closes her eyes and thinks about the woman she loves going to bed with another woman who _she_ loves, and lets the tears come heavy and fast.

Only minutes have passed when she hears footsteps behind her and stomach dropping, she hurriedly scrubs at her face with her sleeve, heart pounding when she hears the person moving closer, and then sitting down beside her. She hopes for a foolish moment it may be the Doctor, but instead it’s the last person she wants to be near right now. She turns her face away as River stretches her legs out with a sigh, knowing it’s pointless as it’s pretty obvious she’s been crying. She wonders what the hells she wants and she wants to snap at her to go away, leave her alone but Yaz knows that wouldn’t be fair; River’s been nothing but polite to her and it’s not her fault she happens to already be married to the woman Yaz is in love with.

“It’s funny,” River finally speaks after a moment of Yaz sniffling quietly. “Empathy’s not something I usually experience.”

Yaz frowns. Of all the bizarre things - ? Was she trying to tell Yaz she felt sorry for her? She wants to tell her to piss off again, but sniffs hard and settles for a tear-thick “what?”

The other woman gives a long sigh and it’s a moment before she replies. “Maybe it’s just because I know exactly how much loving the Doctor can hurt.”

Yaz’s heart leaps into her throat. Her first reaction is to deny it, but she knows that’s pretty pointless when she’s very obviously sitting here crying over it. And River doesn’t sound surprised, like she was already well aware of her feelings.

 _Why would it hurt you?_ Yaz thinks bitterly, _she loves you back._ She sniffs hard, rubbing crossly at her cheeks. She can’t think of anything to say, and so doesn’t reply, sitting there with the gentle hum of the Tardis around them and willing herself to stop crying or River to go away and leave her to cry in peace. As minutes tick past and the other woman doesn’t seem to make any move to get up, misery builds in her chest, until finally words tumble from her lips.

“It was stupid wasn’t it? To think I had a chance. To think someone like her would ever want someone like me like that.”

River just shrugs. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. There have been many times when I’ve wished it wasn’t the Doctor.” She smiles softly then, “There’s certainly easier people to love.”

Like she needed to tell Yaz that.

“My life would certainly have been a lot simpler if I hadn’t, too,” she continues. “And even simpler still if she’d never existed. Although, then I wouldn’t either. Well - I probably would, just not as I am.”

Yaz frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

River gives a soft chuckle. “Oh that’s a story for another night.”

The ship hums a bit louder around her and she notices Rivers hand smooth gently over the floor - she’d noticed her doing that a few times, caressing the ship affectionately like Yaz had seen the Doctor do.

“She kissed me,” Yaz blurts out, perhaps with a little spite she knows she has no right to, but she’s only human after all. “She kissed me under the stars on a beautiful planet a million miles from my home, and then I find out she’s been married all along.” More teas slip unbidden down her cheeks. “I thought it meant something.”

She sneaks a glance at River and is surprised (and perhaps a little annoyed) when she finds her watching her calmly, no hint of upset in her features.

“Perhaps it did,” she says softly and Yaz frowns in puzzlement.

“Don’t - don’t you care?”

“That my husband kissed another woman?” she laughs, and Yaz wonders why it’s funny.

“She’s not your husband anymore,” more of that spite; it shocks her a little.

River remains unfazed. “She’s still the man I married,” she smiles softly. “And she always will be. No matter how infuriating she can be. No matter what she looks like or who she is. And no matter how much it hurts me.”

“Why would it hurt _you?”_ Yaz finally says the words she’d wanted to to start with, her voice catching on the last sentence; “she loves you back.”

“Does she?” River immediately replies and Yaz whips her head round to stare at her. River shrugs, as if nonchalant, but her eyes belie the truth.

Yaz frowns in puzzlement. “Wh - what do you mean? Of course she does; you’re her wife.”

“She’s never said it,” River says quietly, and Yaz stares at her for another minute before she shakes her head.

“Maybe _she_ hasn’t yet, like this - but she was different before weren’t she. I mean... she was a man, wasn’t that when you got married?”

River nods. “Yes but neither did he. None of them have.”

“But... you’re married!” She exclaims and River sighs.

“Circumstances surrounding our marriage were... complicated. The Doctor is complicated. But I’m sure you’ve figured that one out already.”

“So…” Yaz swallows, suddenly more confused than upset. “You think she doesn’t love you?”

River gives a slow shrug, and Yaz starts to feel some of that fierce resentment slide away to be replaced by sympathy.

“I think she does,” she says quietly and River gives a bitter chuckle.

“And how would you know?”

“Because I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you. And I’ve never seen her so happy.”

“Oh, she just loves being around people who adore her.” River says, and Yaz can hear her rolling her eyes. “She’s quite conceited, if you hadn’t worked that out already.”

Yaz shakes her head. “It’s not that. Why would she have married you if she didn’t love you?”

“Complicated, remember? It could even be debated that it never really happened, since it was in an alternate timeline. She’s referred to me as her wife numerous times but I think she just likes the novelty.”

Yaz frowns, feeling her heart hurt a little for River at the words, and she suddenly feels guilty, realising that perhaps she'd got this woman totally wrong.

A short silence falls between them before Yaz lets out a sigh. “I know that kiss didn’t really mean anything,” she admits sadly.

River tilts her head at her. “It might have,” She says but Yaz shakes her head.

“No. It weren’t like that. It wasn’t... romantic or anything,” she sighs, mind drifting back to that night.

They’d been trying to find a way into a tunnel in the side of a building where a little girl, native to the planet they were on was trapped, and it had been Yaz who had suggested they use the strength of the Tardis to pull the metal grill free. It had finally broken open in the dark of the night with a clang,  and as they’d all cheered, the Doctor had whirled to face her.

“Yaz, you are amazing!” She’d exclaimed, and then grabbed her face and planted a loud, smacking kiss straight on her lips. Yaz had nearly stumbled when she’d whirled quickly away from them, bouncing along with an excited, “Come on then!”

River sighs wearily as Yaz finishes recounting the incident.

“I’m sorry Yaz,” she says, “the Doctor really is so clueless to people’s feelings, honestly I could just slap her sometimes.”

“No, it was fine,” she shakes her head. “It was amazing actually, even if it did hurt a bit knowing it meant nothing.” She shrugs. “It’s just her, isn’t it? I probably wouldn’t love her if she was any different.”

She’s crying again and she hates it, sniffing angrily and wiping at her cheeks, and she hates it even more when River shuffles closer to her and puts an arm around her shoulders, tugging her into her side.

“I’m sorry,” she finds herself whining miserably.

“Sorry?” River sounds confused, “What for?”

“I hated you, I hated you so much and I had you completely wrong.”

River chuckles a little as Yaz sniffs hard. “No hard feelings,” she says.

“I get it now… what she sees in you. You have a kind heart, even if you hide it well.”

“Oh,” she says, sounding amused, “When I want to. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the Doctor. All that rushing around the universe, revolving her life around saving everyone else's. I’m far too selfish to live like that I’m afraid.”

Yaz lifts her head from River’s shoulder to blink at her. “Is that why you’re not together? Why you and the Doctor don’t travel together?”

River shrugs. “We have our own separate timelines, those can’t be disrupted by us spending too much of our time together. Besides, I don’t think us travelling together for too long would be good… for either of us, or the universe.”

Yaz frowns at her. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” she shakes her head, sitting up straight and taking her arm back to run both hands through her mass of hair. “Anyway,” she says breezily. “What I came over here to say, was that the Doctor and I have been married for centuries, and it’s always been too back to front and complicated for it to ever be monogamous, for either of us. The Doctor is far from my only spouse and I’m certainly not hers. Don’t let my appearance bother you too much, okay?”

No longer crying, Yaz stares at her. “Are you... giving me your blessing?”

River snorts and rolls her eyes. “If that’s what you want to call it. “Look, I can’t be with the Doctor all the time, that’s never how our lives have been. But I don’t want her to be alone; she doesn’t do well alone.”

“She’s not alone,” Yaz frowns.

“I know,” River nods. “And I’m glad. I’m glad she has someone who loves her. But if you think you’re ever going to have her to yourself then you need realise now that that’s never going to be the way it is.”

“I - I’d never try and take her away from a woman she was already promised to,” Yaz stammers out and River shakes her head.

“That’s not what I mean. She loves more than just people, Yaz. She loves the world, the universe, the stars - that silly blue box more than anything put together I think,” the Tardis gives a whir that sounds irritated and River pats the floor. “Hush mother, you know I adore you.”

Yaz blinks at her choice of term for the Tardis and decides not to try and decipher that now.

“She loves her freedom Yaz,” River sighs, “and she’ll love that and everything else in the universe long after you’ve gone from it.”

They fall silent, and Yaz thinks over her words. She knows they’re true, and that River isn’t trying to hurt her, just prepare her for what would become of her life, if this was the path she chose. With the Doctor.

Finally, she nods. “I can accept that,” she says quietly.

River smiles, and pats Yaz’s knee. “I should go. She’s waiting for me and I have a whole new body to explore.”

“Right,” says Yaz, chest hurting again.

River gets to her feet, placing a gentle hand on Yasmin's shoulder before she moves away with a “night Yaz.”

“Night,” Yaz replies, that green-eyed monster settling inside her again. She shoves it away, knowing with what she’s learnt in the past half hour it has no business in her mind.

“Our room is the third door down from the swimming pool,” River says as she walks away, and Yaz whips her head round to stare at her.

“What?” She says dumbly, and River turns to flash her a smirk and a shrug.

“Just in case you wanted to find it.”

And with that she strolls away, leaving Yaz to blink after her with her mouth hanging open and a pounding heart.


End file.
